Friday, December 18, 2015

wherein I ramble wide and far

she was bound and determined to go with me
i tried repeated times to talk her out of it
she was having none of it

"You are going to go away."
days she said. I know it's hours
scars on her back from a dog that was bound to die
another rescue says she
so be it. bring it home if they are willing
I can't bear to see it in a cage
ought to have to go to a class and get a license before you can
buy another living creature to bring home
or a gun to kill it
but that is for another nightday

Pope Frank had a birthday today
Donald Trump said something demonstrably false
and the sun came up
and the sun went round the sky
then I had a drink
did anything change while I was working?

posted up something today from
the Accidental Talmudist
not sure if Sgt. Edmonds was Baptist or Methodist
but that day he said We are all Jews
all of us. in the Stalag
maybe I should remember the German In Charge
he holstered his pistol
he kept it back
what would it have taken to wave the men down?
the machine gun is a grim reaper
cut like a cord ripped from the seams
but he didn't, some force of will or mercy or love or respect
it stayed that day
and they all walked in together, holding hands in hell

we are all in this together
there are no sidelines
there is no gallery,
each of us an audience in another's passion play

Saturday, December 12, 2015

clicked on a thread that I should have avoided

Fighting it. I want to go over there and rant so hard. 
O it don't make one iota of difference!
release the bitter bile 
or relent. 

Hi. My name is cactusflinthead and I am a political junkie. 
I read entirely too much. 
I engage in debates that have no meaning and go no where. 
I try to stop, but I keep doing it. 
Maybe the one or two independent, mythical, legendary even 
swing voters
do they still exist? 

I want that picture of Hunter S. 
aiming his big .44 at the Chinese gongs
right here. 

Fucking ginkgo is going to outlive me 
and it gives not one fuck about politics;

Monday, November 23, 2015

But he is my friend

Many moons ago in a state of consciously awareness
not so very far from you
my father's friend had a dream
he was in a trench with a rifle
they were telling him to shoot the men across the way
he said. " I cannot. Those are my friends over there."
He saw the face of my father and my uncle in the trench
over there on the other side of no man's land

I do not expect you to be like me
nor do i think very much
that your experiences are mine
but i do know there are the same requirements for life
same bunch of elements that give spin and whirl to our lives
the same things that make us cry and laugh
smile of a dog and a wag of a tail
the smell of coffee and tea in the morning
the sharp air of a frosty morning

now there is there are the gaseous windbags
feeding and emanating from the id of fears
do I care if I am a political animal?
why yes
yes, I do
Does the time bend towards justice?
Have I come thus far to question it?
what is required of you O man
What doth God require of you?
To love justice, to do mercy
and to keep one's self from being polluted

Monday, November 16, 2015

ArmisticeRememberingVeteransDay of the eleventh day of the eleventh month

Quote Originally Posted by FCHorn View Post
Weird to think that some soldiers were killed right before or after the Armistice was announced...after enduring all that bullshit...
Random chaos happens. 
I posted up a ton of stuff yesterday. 

A small girl bending over the gravestone
two young boys wearing sailor's hats waiting for dad to return from England
only to die in the flu outbreak

a year ago an ocean of 800 something thousand poppies outside the Tower 
and John Prine singing about the last balloon and the needle and the spoon of Sam Stone
it is a hard day
it is a hopeful day
every year I seek out one person to thank
I know so many veterans
Santa Claus, Uncle Dave, Jerry's Dad
so much family everywhere and then they want to tell me these tales
and I have to listen. who among you would turn them away?

it is a hard day
to remember, to think about 
all that stuff. 
I think the cartoon from the Guelph might still be the most arresting
old man wearing his poppy, hobbling down the park
going to hear fife and drum one more time
maybe they will have bagpipes this year
I hope they don't muck it up again

See ya next year pops
or next week down at the domino hall
might slip in for lunch

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Being Dad

14 years ago today.
I watched a football game with a burrito baby in my arms.
Tonight she wanted me to make fried chicken. Honored to be deemed worthy.

We worry over them and wonder if they are gonna be ok
when we let them toddle off across the yard
but eventually we let go of the handlebars and let them roll on their own power
kinda gotta.
 we have to pick them up off the ground.
we have to hug the tears and be the hankie when
there is a snot walrus tusk hanging off their 3 year old face

teen between here and there
dreams of tomorrow and memories of yesterdays not so long ago
i am grayer and the days get shorter
I have to remember these days as long as I can
eventually all I have left are the deeds I have done, good and bad
memories fade in the gray matter. dry cells firing intermittently
but whilst what wits still abide me
seize every chance I get, jump the fire
we might only be here once

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

My own share of demons and angels

Everybody I love you
my heart expands each day

unless I get in traffic of your making in which case
i want a warrant to shoot you

this is how it is. each day I am presented with this new set of
programs, problems, situations and circumstances
beyond my control
this is called life
rolling a big stone up this slight incline
only to have it teeter and wobble  back upon me
chasing me back down
i better run faster
seems to be gaining on me
sooner or later
that was done last week, we are all good on them

I was over there a while back
trying to sort through the future
of where i wanted to be
so many moving parts
best i can do is keep moving forward

Pope Frank was around here last week
I was glad to see it
something existential about the Vicar of Christ
come to see you
made the Speaker of the House
cry in his hankie
and leave behind all the BS that has become the day to day

i didnt start off being political
at 13 I was trying to figure out girl X
not how to get a bill passed to be a law
but somehow I knew
when they asked me what I wanted to be
I said Federal Judge
and that was the picture I drew
many moons later the cockfighter said to me
that was because you figured out the system mijo

there was a day when I was unsullied by the sweat and grit of life
it might have lasted ten seconds
oh i had a childhood. didn't you?
wasn't there the moments of when we saw a lightning flash?
the structure of our lives
we gleam it out in another's eye

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Crushing now every day.

I live in a moment in time
the seconds add up to the sum of me

I only get so many
carpe diem they said to me
this day is not like others i said
mark it, is there time?
play to the whistle and then make them make you stop
some of us only have a bent stick on a barn
flinging cold hard rocks or rubber
hit it every day
it is the only chance we get

he's not what you call a very glamorous man
dr feelgood.
to stare at the abyss of the ending of life
the yawning bored face of yet another ending it so sadly
do not go there to that plain
it is a hard place
to sleep in the arms of morpheus is to weep

i have only these small words to defend me.
they are not much
but it is what I had at hand

Thursday, September 10, 2015

in a moment

there is the magic bus
we all ride on it
do you fear it?

one hundred English pounds!
too much!

Hang on Boudreaux
this might be a bumpy ride
loaded for bear
seen some pig too

I dont care how much I pay
the counting is done at the end

I told my woman how much I love her
for a clean kitchen
and clothes done and folded
a swept floor
chicken in the fridge
goddamit that counts for a lot
You ain't ever hollered because you didn't have coffee and a cup?

Ten years. I count them in tens these days.
I have the me I was then and the Me I am Now.
He keeps changing. Them I knew then are not here now.
But I still am. some are still here. threads in the tapestry.

joking with the Creator has its risks
I do it because I want my answers
I will do just like that minor prophet
stand upon my watch and ask the questions
awaiting my run at the gauntlet

Fr. Jim and Pope Francis
i wish there were more
and I hope more than I know
I can feel it
the compelling urge that drives us forward
the undeniable moment
decide to do the good
that you know
do it
never ever turn away
one tear
one dollar
one second in time

Sunday, July 05, 2015

words on a grecian urn

he had that assignment
tell us about that grecian urn
what it meant
this is stupid. what goddamn bullshit is this
some drunken motherfuckers a couple thousand years ago
and i am supposed to figure it out?
fuck a whole lot of that.

show me the machine shop
that is where I belong
and thirty or forty years later
there he still is
mastering the mastery of numbers.
still adrift in an ocean of words

does it matter how we are wired?
can i in ten thousand hours master that which is no part of me?
no. I can do well. I can deal with it as much as they can measure
but it is not me
and nebber ever will be
come on Pete

magic bus
give me a hundred
too much

how we arrive at our goal
that is on you boudreaux
aint got no map
talk to the dali
him and old jesuits might get you there
up to you though
nobody says you have to go
kinda gotta want to
sort of requisite

i sort of think the old man
had it right on some parts of it
i really don't hae to curse the catfish
not wanting to get caught

Thursday, June 18, 2015

urgency of now

Bear with me while the words rattle around
I see things and the thoughts roll
what am i to do with them all after a while?
dead bodies in a church
collapsing buildings in downtown and flood waters
if a bikini wearing bae in the suburbs is sat upon by a cop does she still have sass?
sensitivity training all around

I want art and beauty
I want the finest chords of the strings to describe how I feel
i want a fine day and roses in the sun
i get coal in the mountains
i get mud in the ditch
wade in son
he never left harlan county alive

is the hope for tomorrow a defense against the uncertainty of it?
maybe. i can still hope for better
for me and mine
and them I dont even know
there has to be somethin better than hating. on each an other
the blood that is in me
the piece of flesh that is me
it is the same all over

and yet here i am
digging coal out of the bottom of my grave
pieces of me I left behind
passing them up the flue
smoke and cinders of me flinging
away  in the wind

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Hub of Earth

I heard Dr Tom one day or was it Madame Susan
i heard this artist of words from both. sift the sand of time

I stood at the hub of my wheel wrestling with the earth
death and life surrounded me. shotgun and the poison rain
seeds of life springing under my feet
the spider web of life before my eyes

and i was there, dammit I saw it with my own eyes!
the gleam of a spark in my woman's eye
i saw it
the moment I got a good tackle
flying like superman
there is day when we stand at the hub of the earth
we are in our moment
let it be not to shoot another man
been a lot of those in our past. I had
rather not that be me

fleeting moments we get in our lives
critical junctures when things happen
a fork in the road
I have been on that less traveled road so long
i can still see the highway over there
somewhere over the hill. This dirt road gets me there.
I got a big bunch to haul. I gotta avoid that 18 wheeler.
He gives even less fucks than I do.

today was going to be the day.
and another comes tomorrow

but I am still here and there she is and
tomorrow is another day

i go to serve the machine
salute and wave to the officer as he stands at the ready
to take your ass down
after all. it is just a wonder on the wall

 stopped trying to make sense of the concrete jungle long ago
 trying to navigate my way through the waves
 hands on the tiller, there comes the day
prayers and hopes. light a candle for me baby

lake street dive, 'bad self portraits'

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Time and Miles

Half a dozen comments I typed and deleted
half a life time spent wondering where I was

Never expected this, not a bit of it.
Seems we never do. If your life turned out just like you planned it.
Be sure to share the recipe.
Mine sure didn't turned out like I thought it would and I don't think I am finished yet.
Miles to go yet and time
well it isn't on my side any more. On the back side of forty I can at least imagine
the finish line.
seen some go before me
some well before their time
hearts I hope to see again
Some old and gray and some in the fullness of life
strange as it may seem
feels like I just started

I see a father running hard for memories and life
I see a father walking in halls of power
trying to do the right thing
and me a father
trying to be what I figure I am supposed to be

I didn't know, I am not sure I do now.
Broken windows. Eyes of stars.
Cistercians on an island across a sea of sand
mine were certainly not silent
1500 Years. Why yes.

A long time ago I wrote another line
of a green tree and vine
again I find myself entwined
I welcome it. Please wrap yourself on me.
Carry on. The miles and time unwind.
I do not not think there is an end to them.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Early returns

When the pictures find their way on to this page
I will gladly add them.

inserta nod to fellow bards

one last drag of his big cigar and he finally let me free
from hell to paradise
I'll always pay the price

if i live longer than the olmec heads and methuselah put together
i will not understand the woman

I am not certain that is required
it is more about acceptance
that she has chosen me
if i
this very smallest of small i
if I the very i of me
can accept this
this one
the other has chosen
hard to grasp

accept what is
receive it

early returns dear listeners
i cannot deny it.
stay tuned