Only those who are familiar to
1. First, it's pronounced AWS-TUN. It doesn't matter how they say it in other places.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
3. All directions start with "Go down Mopac...'cause you don't want to get on I-35." No one knows for sure what 'Mopac' means.
4. Burnet Road,
5. It is impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same street that you started on.
The Chamber of Commerce calls this a scenic drive.
6. The rush hour is from to .
The rush hour is from 3:30p to .
Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, then you cannot be from
You may only apply your brakes when the end of a yellow light and the beginning of the red light creating a burnt-orange hue. This is Longhorn Country, after all.
8. If you like being an individual, don't even think of working for Dell. You'll be branded like cattle and made to walk all over town with your Dell Tag around your neck or clipped on to your belt loop. Ninety-eight percent of the people within a 200 mile radius work for Dell.
When someone says "Michael Dell", Dell employees are trained to face Round
Rock, hit their knees, put their face to the ground, weep, and rock back and forth.
9. Just remember that Mopac IS Loop 1; Capital of Texas Hwy IS 360; and U.S. 183 IS Research Blvd.,
10. If moisture is determined to be rain, and not sweat, all traffic must immediately come to a screeching halt; ditto for daylight savings time, a female UT student applying eye-shadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over.
11. DO NOT attempt to access any road after an apocalyptic event like snow or SXSW (South by Southwest Music Convention).
Construction on I-35 AND U.S. 183 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. Get used to it!
12. Attn: All telephone solicitors...DO NOT correct my pronunciation when I say I live in
'MAY-ner'. We don't like corrections on that either. And, for God's sake, DON'T pronounce the 'E' at the end of Guadalupe. It's Gwada-LOOP and we like it that way!
13. Burnet Road is pronounced BURN-it, not Bur-NET.
14. Keep in mind that the sloppily dressed 'hippie' in worn-out sandals and earrings is probably the latest IPO millionaire.
15. Stay away from the
16. And, yes, we all know that there's a man in a teddy and a tiara on
And you wonder why there are so many bumper stickers that say 'Keep Austin Weird'?