Dilapidated Road Hazard

I have the oldest truck in the place
it should have been taken offline
about 5 years, 2 transmissions repairs
and untold gallons of gasoline ago

I go where they tell me to
and then wonder why they can't figure
if they send me here and there
the other stuff I am supposed to do
doesn't get done
no, we didn't skip those spots
we haven't finished yet
yes sir, will have him there tomorrow
provided he doesn't have to be
somewhere else

Utility man
put me in the field wherever you want me to play
I can pitch if you want me to
or out there in the field
I really do not care
that is all on you
but remember this
if another team comes calling
offering a better deal
adios muchachos

I really don't particularly give a damn

has to be one of the best lines ever
he is walking out
where will I go? what will I do?
frankly, I don't give a damn

best fucking  line ever.
will brace myself for the onslaught..

here,

have a flower

it's chenille

look, I did not make you

or me

I did not wire your harness

nor mine

all i can do is deal with what I have

here

and now

what? you thought it would make sense?

as if you or I would make some 

semblance of reason together?

not so 

no

not so dearest friend

best we can do

is muddle along

2+2 = 4

it took him 400 goddamn pages 

to prove that

i shit you not

That is Shoeless Joe

I think he was a pretty good guy

in retrospect, after all is said and done

after nemesis found the hubris

i still think he is ok

there was a day

long ago for you and me

but in regards to time

why it was yesterday

was a couple of men that walked in that liquor store

or was it a store of stuff

who knows?

grantland rice and ty cobb

back from augusta

with bobby and the boys

there was joe

behind the counter

grantland said to ty, turn here and we will find him

and so they did

give me the bottle up over there

ring ring ring

Joe? aren't you gonna say somethin?

Ty. I wasn't sure you wanted me too

and Grantland wrote it all down

If i ever live to be a thousand or nearly so

same as Methuselah

I will never understand

I am a dolt

a fool

no better than a bump in the road

all i have are a few mumbles

pictures 

and words from somebody else

don't look over here (past oblivion)

don't look over here (past oblivion)

just say you never met me
safer that way.

at nearly a quarter to 2 what did you expect?
shall I find Waylon and Willie this time of night?

tadao said to tear down the wall
the wages were sttttttttrong
so he did
get me that jackhammer and get to it
luis, i could sure use a burrito

it still looks like a drill bit to me
no matter how phallic

grasses waving in the wind
been there
and she got mad
while she talked to some random human
i watched the airplanes fly in and out

aint none of my concern
if your mustang burns
still over here

No more hurting people. Peace.

that is what his poster said.
tears well up.
sounds so damn simple from the voice of a child
wearing his jersey of the wheel of a hub of Boston Bruins
missing a tooth
does it really matter where he was standing or what he was doing?

yeah why


why does it happen?

candyland

what brings us here?
is there an invisible sun?
wrestling with the existence
I want to know what makes people kill boys like this
or why we have to send out drones
I guess it was cheaper to fly in  by wire than send men in
and a duffell bag of a bomb with a cell phone to activate it.

I don't want to have to think about these things!

It makes me think back to the day of 911
that morning
I think of it again
it wasn't that long ago we remembered ten years in Iraq

complacency said the Senator from KY
it is difficult to restrain the anger




 I know that face
and the sun is set to rise
dear god, let him rest well
even if he who made him die
can find no place here to lay down

i want to cry out
this just ain't right

half-hearted misgivings

there is a coal on my shoulder
someone make it go away
with a knuckle and a fist it might
too tired to care

my thunderbird
drives like a dream
slide over here and let me put my arm around you
going too fast
make them have wings

i was here
and then I was gone
you kept on moving
that was to be expected
I sincerely hope it all went well

earl breaks it down for me
scruggs he's gone too
the possum isn't or wasn't nearly as photogenic
as chesney and dr dre
save me from what might be

no, no, no, I will still be over here
with what I have in hand
qwerty at the ready

seventy years ago
over there in Berlin and
where were they?
hurt me all the time
allll the goddamn time
i hope you know this will go down on your permanent record
oh yeah?
did i happen to mention I was impressed

i forget for what 8 was for
kiss off

at the sound of the grinding gears
i fired it up
don't stand too near
you might wear some of it home
hauling nine thousand gallons


where is the paradise?
i think you lied
it is not here or there
there is just the now
same as it ever was

it flew away
and I ran away too
every time I closed my eyes
fare thee well

life goes on and the wheel breaks the butterfly

I cannot help it. Life has a way of moving on.
you can stay put if you want to, but the rest of us are moving on

lying underneath stormy skies
she said the sun was set to rise
this could be paradise

no, i think not. this is just me and you and a bunch of rain
paradise is over there somewhere
we ain't found it yet
but, please be sure to tell me when you do.

there are few sure things in this life time
death and taxes among them
sure as the summer is hot in Texas
 winters are cold in Russia
the grass keeps growing
and rust never sleeps

time marches on with or without us
you can try to stand athwart the ridge of progress
and say "Stop!"
be about as effective as that viking standing at the shore
you just keep on telling those waves to stop
see how much they listen to you

I say shine
shine and burn hard and bright
use whatever fuel you have at hand
be true, be honest and be your own self
it is who you are after all

Atrazine 4L, Triazines, Scott's Bonus S, the EPA, water and your big tree.

I spray and spread a lot of chemicals around. I am good at it. I know which ones work on what plant and how and why and when to use them. It is a dark, arcane realm that I do not always like to inhabit. I am heavily regulated and closely watched. I have been inspected more than once and my presence on a job site can cause more than a little bit of controversy. I accept this. I recognize and applaud the Tx Dept of Agriculture and the Environmental Protection Agency for their efforts to keep me on the narrow path. The TDA man said my records were exemplary. Peachy. As long as I pass, fine by me.

Why exactly do we have to keep such exacting records of wind speed, temperature, registration numbers and amounts of product used? because this shit kills things. Dead dead dead. 

I had to spray wildflowers yesterday.
I did not like it.
It was kinda sad to hose it down with 2,4-D. But, I had to.

Not only that I put out one of the triazines which are now on the target list of chems the EPA is concerned about. Why are they concerned? Water. They are getting into the water system. Time for some links. Brace yourself, this blog is likely to have some ponderous links. From the USGS report

Results showed that large amounts of triazine herbicides and their degradation products were flushed into streams with runoff. Much of this transport took place during the first runoff period after application of herbicides. Subsequent runoff tended to produce lesser concentration peaks. Herbicide detections in larger Midwestern streams tended to be seasonal with higher percentages in spring and early summer and lower percentages in fall and winter.

The upshot being in the last couple of years, the EPA has decided that we should not apply this class of  herbicides in the vicinity of water (let's make that 50 ft shall we? yes let's! oh and a bunch of other restrictions too!) and that includes things like ditches, creeks, ponds (natural or man-made) drains or other water moving thingamabobs.

I have a really strong feeling it is violated constantly. Scott's Bonus S contains atrazine, a triazine, it is heavily marketed in different areas than where this study was conducted, the Midwest (hey look Amarillo, you are now part of the Midwest!) farming areas. It works and is relatively inexpensive, but it moves around a bit too much and also has a rather long half-life, some variations lasting up to 230+ days in the soil. How many homeowners this weekend will apply this stuff right next to the creek that flows through their neighborhood? Time to get a label. Yes, I read the damn label. Regularly. The very first thing that jumps out at me is what turf you can use it on and where it is sold. This is stuff specifically for St. Augustine. You cannot use it on bermudagrass or bluegrass. But, wait there a second you told us this class of chems was used up in Amarillo and I know it is too damn cold there for St. Aug!  Yep, you are right, so where is it coming from? This one. Atrazine 4L What crops does it mention regularly? Why that would be corn and sorghum. And where are those crops typically grown in the US of A? That would be the Midwest, including but not limited to Amarillo.
Now, let's get back to our homeowner friend. Did he or she read the label? Did they see the part on the Scott's one about not putting it out under trees or shrubs? Didja? Better check it again, the fine print, under restrictions and other shit you ought to know about. Not the big fancy advertising they paid good money for, no the teeny tiny writing the Feds make them put on there or some lawyer said they better because we have been having to pay off entirely too many people. They don't run that disclaimer on the ads I hear on my radio station or the ones that run on my TV. Nope, no mention of the water restrictions concerning this product or the damage it can cause to your great big Post Oaks. Y'know that one your wife liked so much that this house was the one she picked? Right, that one. No, he really doesn't say anything about that on the commercial does he? I guess they figured it wasn't a particularly good selling point. Now how they can sell this stuff at Home Depot without some mention of water(other than the standard boilerplate) is beyond me. If you have a wide expanse of St. Augustine lawn without any driplines of shrubs, trees or other ornamentals within the area, go for it. If you are like the thousands of homeowners with great big established trees don't say I didn't warn you.

There are no trees in the corn field. Those that might have been there a century ago were long since rooted up.
I suppose this is a plea to read the label of what you are using, whatever product it might be. Read it and understand it. Get past the fancy adverts and read the important stuff at the bottom.

I had words and then I wrote it down

Happy Jack lived over there on the Isle of Man
banging drums and sand, couldn't stop Jack
couldn't prevent Jack from being happy
the waters still came on

ten years man, ten years
can you count all the dead? there are bones enough to do so
i can't count all the dollars
war on the cheap costs a helluva lot
whip their ass and take their gas never came to pass

ten years ago we let loose the dragon
rolled out the cage, unlocked the bastard and he roared
oh and how he did roar
the echoes linger today
nay, nay dear sir
the fires still burn

i once said I wanted Osama's head on a stick
a watery grave was good enough
i can handle that
that was last election cycle
and ten years later ten fucking long ass years
nobody seems to give a shit about that
nobody gives a damn
about a million dead
faces they never saw
voices never heard

there isn't enough whiskey in tennessee, kentucky, ireland and scotland combined
not enough weed in cali, british columbia and colorado all put together
to smoke out, drown out or fade into oblivion of mind
the blood we shed for no good reason

we owe a weregild

far more than we can ever pay
tears. tears and some half-assed syllables.

Seen any hope or joy around?

I re-read an entry into this digital diary of sorts written about 2 years ago. I was out of a job and in the middle of having to move. It was a particularly bad time. I heard the other day that David Letterman gave an interview to somebody or another, a frank and open interview, in which he told of his struggle with depression. In his understanding of the condition he likened it to having 20/20 vision of the world. Seeing the world with a clear vision of how awful it really can be. Is this to say that those of us that are experiencing joy are somehow looking at the world through eyes that see less than they are capable of seeing? Or do they simply not choose to look upon those things that are terrible and ugly? Is truth beautiful or ugly or neither or both? Perhaps I am trying too hard to distill down everything into one lump that is either/or. Perhaps all of life is a mixture of good and bad. 

It is funny to me how I can find humor in odd spots and laugh at things that shouldn't be funny. Why did you laugh at that sir? I do not know, somehow it was funny at the time. I know a thing or two of gallows humor. Laughing in the midst of a horrific situation because at that moment there is no time for reflection. Laugh at the absurdity of it. Later we can be hurt and angry. Right now we have to deal with this situation. It isn't always funny. Sometimes there just isn't anything to laugh at and the absurdity of it all confounds me. 

Absurd random chance, both good and bad, happens to everybody. Whether we like it or not, this world is not under our control no matter how much we would like it to be. The best we can do is to control ourselves. I can't control the behavior of an ant. I can't even remotely eliminate them. Keeping them at bay is the best I can hope for. 

Keep the world at bay. That is probably your best shot at survival. Let's just deal with survival shall we? Thriving and growing for another day. Let's just stay alive first ok? This is the attitude of the cactus. It is part of why I admire them. Survival in a harsh and unforgiving land. If that prickly pear can withstand Texas every summer then I can too. If it can soak up the infrequent good rains that come its way and make flower and produce seed and fruit then it has exceeded expectations. I can ask no more. It is my task to make the most of the good times and slog through the bad. Survive, then you can thrive. 

Pre-Emergent Application. Or...Kill it early.

Get out there and do something in the yard. At the moment we are enjoying the spectacularly wonderful weather in Texas that draws snowbirds here. It won't stay this way forever. Eventually we will get one of those blue northers and freeze up for a whole day. But, somewhere out there 100F is lurking. I know it. I can feel the heat of it on my head. Looking around the area you can see the trees changing. There are ripples of green on the lawn where some of the frosts we have had are beginning to send the turf into dormancy. But I also see thin spots in the mulch. Acorns and pecans all over driveways, weeds growing in the bare spots and dead shrubs in beds. Now is the time to repair, expand and maintain your spot of earth. 

Whether you are a tofu-eating vegan that would no more spray 2,4-D than you would poke a sharp stick in your eye or you are hardened chemical slinger (ahem, don't judge me!) now is the time to get with it. There are a few reasons why this time of year is crucial to your overall success with your landscape. I am often asked " Is it too late to apply pre-emergents?" First, I had better define "pre-emergent." A plant can be characterized as pre or post emergent. Meaning it has either not sprouted (germinated) from the seed or it has. Big fancy words for still in the seed or sprouting leaves. Now it might bother some of my earthy friends but when I apply corn gluten to my beds or yard I am applying an herbicide. That is what I am trying to do, prevent the germination of undesirable plants. It is in effect a pre-emergent and is marketed that way and registered with the EPA and TDA as such. If I go apply it at your house I have to have a license same as if I was applying simazine or pendimethalin. Those are two popular and effective pre-emergents widely available. Note I do not name a particular brand name. I would recommend looking at the bottom of the label, over to one side of the front or wherever they stick the fine print box of active ingredients and looking for those chemically inclined names with far too many syllables. They can call it "Kill a Weed." Weed Hammer" "Bash a Nettle!" or whatever snappy name the marketing dept comes up with, I could not care less. I don't care if it looks like the old generic "Beer." I buy my fertilizer in a brown paper bag. It has the requisite label and all the info I need on a 3x5 square. It is just like buying meds. Aspirin is aspirin whether it is the CVS brand or Bayer. Ok now that I have gotten that out of my system, here is what you need to know about applying pre-emergents. 

KNOW the area. Even a rough estimate of pacing the area off will be better than a wild ass guess. This is important because how much product you put out, whether corn or chems is dependent upon not only the target species but how big the area might be. For example, if the label calls for 4.5# of .5% pendimethalin to control sandburs (aka stickers) per 1000 ft sq. Then knowing that your hard is 30x40 you can determine how much of this canary yellow stuff you need to put out. Well, let's just work that problem shall we?

Ok 30 times 40 = 1200 sq feet. So another 20% over our 1000. We need to add a bit. Tack that 20% to 4.5 lbs and we have 5.4 lbs. Ok this is a good estimate for weight. A cup is usually about a pound. You can get really picky and weigh it out exactly and mark it on a measuring device but a standard cup is fine. Close enough. Just don't mound it up or leave it low. A nice measured cup, flat and even. Just like flour. So in our area in question we can dump five and allllmost a half a cup in our little grindy grindy spreader and walk around . Don't run around with it wide open trying to get full coverage! Open it up about halfway and walk normally back in forth until you have good coverage of the entire area. If you made it all the way across and still have some left, finish it off by going perpendicular to your original pattern until it is gone. Sweep or blow it off the sidewalks where you inadvertently got some product and turn on the water. This scenario applies to corn gluten the same as it does chemicals. Rather than the 4.5 lbs per 1000 it is 20lbs, so adjust accordingly. 

Or you can just go out there in the yard, pull the dandelions and chickweed and eat them. That works too. 

Maybe next time I will talk about planting trees and roses. 

I bought 12 beers from Shiner Texas
not too terribly far from Austin
wintry festivusal blend with peach and pecan
that is what that flavor was!

Austin seems to be weird enough for Texas
to be acceptable to the rest of DKos
I would submit that there are weed smokers from
deep East Texas
where they have to pump the sunlight in
and far out in West Texas
where the wind draws the water
that will still benefit from the fact that
somebody in DC still has a hand on the tiller
because it has been obvious for years that Goodhair does not

It was when Sam heard the union was dissolved that he died
Barbara Jordan did not go there to leave here
I will not leave! I absolutely fucking refuse to leave!
If you want a fight to leave
well i will fight to stay.

I cannot explain bitterness and rage
some idiot test I took a while back
said that my ultimate failing was that
i expected people to make some sense

yeah, I guess I kinda do
sorry, i thought reason and logic
facts and shit like that
still applied
my bad

 Run it back again

If I am to roll this stone up the hill and forever be running away from it

as it hurtles back at me down selfsame hillock

It would be nice to find a beer and sandwich at the bottom 

before I have to push the bastard back up again

A new pair of boots, more piss in a cup

exercise in the early dawn! once more with feeling!

a shovel in hand to find the leaky pipe 

riding around roads I have known and

new ones without a map for them

over a decade ago was I here

in that time so much has changed of the appearances

more humans! more money! 

and not one thing has changed of any of it

the same school where I went

is where my daughter will go

the same road I traveled in the throngs of morning

is where I will beat a trail

I can show you the pho noodle houses

I can show you the missing farms

I can point to what used to be open pastures

I can read the demographics of the census

and in my heart know not one thing has changed

Carpe Diem

With a grin on my face I met the world

it was the best defense I had

wrinkles in time, folds of yesterday and tomorrow coming together

in one big fat now, one yesterday in a lump of today

I drove up to the rusty bridge and hoped it would hold

as they pointed the radar gun at me

yes!, I did pass inspection.

When I chucked Four door doves don't ski 

off the patio and onto the parking lot

I did not expect Fr. Gregory to return it to me

Crime and Punishment visited me later

much to my chagrin and hard it was on my wallet

and my soul

Who are these people? Why did they find me?

I did not go looking for them!

11 children. Evicted from her home. Goats upon delivery as the tire went flat in the speed trap.

who are you? How did you find me?

I can't fix or repair myself. Stop! I stand athwart the sand of time and I say halt?

no. it does not stop. I have 3 good legs. So they tell me.

the buffalo springfield raises me down to the pavement. No lumps in me as they cover me up.

let the haters hate! let the lovers love! It matters not to me!

Let me life be as it is. I did not choose all this! As much as I am to blame for my own mistakes 

as much as they might honor me

I did what I had to do. 

I was an unprofitable servant. I did what I was told to do.

I has hope, so said the cat. I love you, so said the dog. 

I will not give up, so said the weed in the ditch. 

How can I? said the man without a grave. 

There will come a time when I and my last electrons and all the substance that is me

goes to rest in the dust. It is better to hear the song of mourners For that is the end of all men.

Seize the day! Seize the moment! Shed no tears for me! Laugh and be happy!

For this day will be no more. Take this time to love and be loved. 

We get no better chance than now. 

Life goes on, whether we do or not

I heard a widow say one time when she was sitting in the back yard looking around
"The grass keeps growing." Life had kept on moving while she was dealing with the big sad.
Everybody gets sad, it is a fact of human existence. What we do with it and how we deal with it is up to us.
Last time I visited this page I was starting to realize that what I thought was there was not.
That what I wanted and what she wanted were and are two entirely different things. That can be a shock.

I had to let it go. I had to step back and look around at all the other stuff of a relationship.
Do we actually get along? Do we enjoy each other's company? Are we good for each other?
I can honestly say "no" to all of those questions. It wasn't fun all the time as a matter of fact there were some that were genuinely worried about me when they saw pictures of me. From across the ocean somebody saw the sadness behind my eyes. That was probably 6 months ago, before I finally said, "You want me out? Fine, I am gone." That wasn't the first time she had said it, but that time I took her up on it. I made it stick when she called me about fifteen minutes down the road and I made it stick again when I came back to get the rest
of my stuff. I gave in later. I gave in when she said, "Come see me". Maybe I had to go back one more time. Maybe I needed reminders of why I left. It is still hard for me to let someone go. It isn't as though there aren't  others out there that want my time and my body and brain. There are lots of fish in the sea and apparently they like my hook.

somme was there was death and the revealing
flowers in the distance
of blasted trees and holes in the ground
wherewith we hid ourselves
saki died there hh munro with stories in his head, laughingatmadness

how so can i survive this day?
save me ghosts and saints
send prayers and hopes and a few syllables me way
down in the gutter where the dirt and silt and the rain and the sweat
are all I have in my hand
shake out your boot from the pebble that irks you

she is there and here and over and there and
what the hell was i thinking@!
i just want a warm bed and somewhere to lay me head
up against someone else in a somewhat clean house
where i dont have to worry about where she is
or when i might hear from her again

i know where mom is sleeping
i know where the dog is
i know where my daughter lays her head
but where I might find my other half
well
well
i just dont know
the one i thought i had
died one christmas
life is not for the the lonely
lonely are the brave

dirt and much tears and sweat and blood and the occasional scar
have been the sum total of my life
somewhere somehow
i gotta make it til tomorrow
i used to think i knew where i was going
now i just hope i am headed in sort of the right direction

i saw a tree
and i think it saw me too
i saw a lizard and it posed
i saw a wave on the ocean
and i thought i was there

i read a book and i dreamed i was there
reality took me back
and i fought it
i grasped at the vision in me head
paper and pen were not enough
it eluded me
these electrons on the page are all that I have left

in the murky hours of the night

Fun, Fun and More Fun

Back earlier in the week when it was contemplated
about goingout and doingstuff
she wasn't feeling exactly great
would you rather me stay back?
no no, fun fun and more fun
ok, so here i am again. Saw a pink and black Harley
last night at the local bar
then a Roothog Barback that I know knew the score
that last shot of Patron did me in. Liquor first then beer
or just stick to the cold malted beverages

Headed out on the town
Feels good after a week of stone, bone and dirt
bloody arms and sore back
liquid muscle relaxer helps, but not in excess
woke up sideways in the bed that we did
I better go easy on this wonderful night

I'd kinda like it to last

Pictures do not suffice and there are no words
but I will try to find them when I may and capture them when they come to me

did I find the rose or did she find me?
the perfect flower of my existence
the rose and gardenia, camellia and orchid
as if all the flowers I ever knew were summed up in a person

the flower of love when it blooms
is stronger than any I know

joepa and cain, the truth shall set you free

Might free them up from their present gigs, but oh well.

My maternal grandfather who had about 3 political chromosomes dedicated to democratic principles called it right when he said Nixon should have just followed the advice given to him and 'fessed up to what he did. It would do Joe Paterno and Herman Cain good to follow the same advice.

Neither one has to completely divulge every sordid detail, merely admit some sort of culpability and fall on their symbolic sword. Joe has to leave, Herman might get to stay and make more fun happy for the D side of the aisle. I kinda hopes he does. He is siphoning off lots and lots of cash away from other candidates by his mere presence. The longer he is in the race the better it is for my man. He is an anchor now. One big massive freaking pile of iron that drags down everybody else. I personally don't give a big rat's ass if he manages to salvage his campaign or not. I kind of hope he continues on his present path.

Joe Pa on the other hand... well as much as I might despise PSU I don't really want to see his legacy so tarnished that this is the major bullet point in his bio. "Joe Paterno was asleep at the switch when his Defiendsive coordinator was butt-fucking boys in the shower"

He has to quit and like tomorrow. Tearful replies to students from his back porch notwithstanding. He has to go. Him and everybody that might even remotely have had a clue that this was happening. If PSU wants to ever and I mean fucking ever wants to get on the good side of the football gods they had better clean house and I mean now. El Presidente must fire at will and then fall on his own sword and resign. That alone will salvage their reputation and repudiate this mess. Joe can avoid the damned media a while but eventually his ego will get the better of him and his age will allow him to forget that they are still gunning for him. The PR dept will remember but he will overrule them and then he will march out there to be eaten alive. If he stays that WILL happen. He cannot avoid them forever. Sorry Joe, you gotta go. You had the power to fix this earlier and you didn't. You were the bishop in charge of this wayward priest and you just tried to hide it. That won't fly. It didn't in church and it won't on the gridiron. Your ass is grass.

Herman is toast. Joepa might be able to salvage something out of this, but it is all about ego now. Humble yourselves and admit some fault and it might go better for you. Stick to your story and it all falls down.

I personally don't give a damn if you lie your ass off.

Hans Arp, by Man Ray

We are political beings by our natures
even if you say you are apolitical
it still affects you and touches your life
this concern of the polis

bootcactus
flowerinclay

how

doIsurvive?

eachday

oneday

isfollowed,bythenight

andthenthesun

comesagain

whenIremember

tinycactus

growinginflint

seedscast

generations,ago

ifigure

ought

tohangon

too

battlefiends

whenwill

it

end

pleasestop

findsome

peace

in

your

self

tiredoflooking

for

kindness

and

finding

grim

passthatlamp

overhere

Diogenes